Exodus 20:12
God is a God of order & He established order in creation through delegated authority.
We live in a time where parents are having tremendous difficulty raising children to respect their authority. You can talk to any schoolteacher, and they’ll tell you that the problem is huge. Our public school systems, by and large, have their hands tied in what they can do to maintain authority.
And having led youth for quite some time myself, I concluded that the biggest problem with youth is not the youth itself, but rather the parents. We live in a time of great disrespect in general—disrespect toward authority, especially the authority of parents. But we need to understand in the church that authority finds its origin in God.
God is a God of order, not of chaos, and He established order in creation by delegating authority to human beings. So, we are going to begin this morning in Genesis 1:26, where we see that God created humans in His image and gave them authority.
Genesis 1:26 says, “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.'”
Notice that God didn’t create the rest of the world in His image—just humanity. He endowed human beings with authority over creation. God created authority and delegated that authority to human beings, placing them in charge of His creation. However, this order was disrupted.
We all know that today what we experience is a disruption of God’s created order and His authority structures. God’s created order was disrupted by the effects of sin. Pain, conflict, and the struggle for power were introduced into the world as a result.
If we go to Genesis 3:16, after Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s command, God pronounced judgment on them. He says to Eve:
“I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth; in pain you will bring forth children. Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
This passage can be a bit confusing, but what it’s essentially saying is that before the fall, Adam and Eve’s relationship featured loving headship from Adam and willing submission from Eve. That was the order of authority. But sin distorted these roles, leading to conflict as male authority turned into domination and female submission shifted into resistance.
That’s where we see the effects of sin most clearly in the breakdown of authority. We don’t like to talk about this in modern culture, but it’s the reality. The struggles we see between men and women, especially in relationships, stem from this distortion of authority structures after the fall.
Interestingly, though, there is now a wealth of recent sociological research, not Christian research, but secular research, that shows the positive outcomes of traditional gender roles. Things like marital satisfaction, children’s health and well-being, and greater societal stability are shown to be linked to following these traditional roles.
It turns out that sustainable societies require both men and women to fulfill complementary roles in the family unit. And this is not just something we as Christians are saying—it’s something that’s being observed in the world of sociology today.
When men and women fulfill their God-given complementary roles, it leads to flourishing in the family and society at large. So, my first point today is that God’s order provides stability in our relationships and in society.
Even though sin has distorted authority, God’s call to honor authority remains intact. Whether it’s in the family or in broader society, when we respect God-given authority, we are honoring God’s design for order and harmony. That’s why honoring parents is so crucial—it’s not just about them as individuals, but about God’s design for authority and the way He structured the world for our good.
Honoring someone means treating them with the appropriate respect, effort, & attention (Exodus 20:12)
Let’s now look at the word honor in Exodus 20:12. It says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
I’ve often heard people say this means “obey your father and mother,” and obedience is certainly part of it, but honor and obedience are not the same thing. Honor is more than just obedience. It means treating someone with the appropriate respect, giving effort, and paying attention to what’s due to them.
The Hebrew word for “honor” here is kābēd (כָּבֵד), which literally means weighty. The idea is that honor carries weight. It indicates giving proper weight to someone’s role, reflecting their true importance, and it requires a balanced effort.
Think about a balance scale. A scale tips when one side carries more weight, right? That side that holds more weight visibly shows which side has greater significance. Honor is like that—it’s about giving proper weight or value to a person’s role, position, or authority in your life.
Another illustration that comes to mind is weightlifting. The more weight you lift, the more effort and focus it requires. And if you don’t give that weight the proper respect, by using the right technique and concentration, you can seriously injure yourself. Honoring parents is similar—it’s like lifting a significant weight. It requires deliberate effort and attention to make sure you are doing it right.
And where does honor start? It starts inside of you—in your heart and in your mind. Honor begins with an attitude. When we honor someone, we are first acknowledging their God-given role in our hearts before it ever translates into action.
In Proverbs 23:26, Solomon says, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.” He’s not just talking about obedience—he’s talking about giving his heart. Honor is an internal attitude of respect before it becomes external obedience.
Let me give you another analogy: think of a tree. The visible growth of the tree—the branches, the leaves—depends on the root system beneath the surface. What happens under the surface supports everything visible. In the same way, honor begins deep in the heart, and what’s on the inside comes out.
Another key point here is that honor requires ongoing commitment. It’s not just a one-time action, like obeying a single command and being done with it. Honor is demonstrated over time, even when circumstances get difficult. It’s easy to honor people when things are going well, but true honor is proven when things are tough.
For you adult children, honoring your parents doesn’t end when you reach adulthood. In fact, honoring parents grows as your relationship matures. The way you honor your parents might look different as you grow older and more independent, but the principle remains.
And I know that sometimes honoring parents, especially those who have failed or hurt us, can feel like lifting an impossible weight. Some parents have failed us deeply, and honoring them seems like an impossible task. But honor is not dependent on the other person’s perfection—it’s about our obedience to God.
Honoring ‘fathers and mothers’ in the home forms the Bible’s foundation for submitting to all God-given authority (Exodus 20:12)
Let’s turn our attention now to honoring fathers and mothers, because honoring ‘fathers and mothers’ in the home forms the Bible’s foundation for submitting to all God-given authority.
If you look again at Exodus 20:12, God says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
Now, I want to focus on two specific words here: father and mother. Honoring fathers and mothers in the home is not just a family matter—it’s the bedrock of how we learn to honor all authority. The family unit is where we are first taught about authority, respect, and submission.
This commandment is foundational because honoring your parents is the first experience any of us have with authority. The Bible teaches that if we can’t honor the God-given authority in our homes, how will we learn to submit to other authorities in our lives?
Christians are called to honor their parents, but we’re also called to honor other authorities that God has placed over us—whether that be spiritual authority within the church or governmental authority in society. But it all starts in the home.
It’s significant that God commands us to honor both our fathers and our mothers. Let’s pause and think about this. In the context of a patriarchal society, where men held the majority of authority and power, God doesn’t just say, “Honor your father.” No—He says, “Honor your father and your mother.”
In that time and culture, this was revolutionary. The mother, as well as the father, was to be honored. God commands equal honor for both, and this is crucial. Their roles may be different, but in God’s eyes, their worth and importance are the same.
This is especially important to understand in a society where men typically held greater authority. This command elevates the role of mothers, ensuring that they are treated with the same respect and reverence as fathers. And this equality in honor sets the foundation for a healthy, functioning family.
When children are allowed to favor one parent over the other, what happens? It creates division in the family. It erodes the authority of the parent who is less favored, and that can lead to conflict between the parents.
Children are very perceptive, and they can be quite manipulative when it comes to playing one parent against the other. They might show preferential treatment to one parent if they think it will get them what they want. But what does this lead to? It leads to confusion—especially about gender roles and authority—because it sends mixed messages about who holds the real authority in the family.
And this confusion doesn’t just stay in the home—it carries over into their future relationships. Children will model what they’ve seen. If they’ve seen one parent being disrespected or dishonored, it shapes how they perceive authority, and this can lead to problems down the road in their own relationships, whether that’s in their marriages or in their interactions with society.
So, let me ask you this: Do your children see you showing honor and respect to your spouse? When you’re interacting with your spouse in front of your children, do they see you modeling respect and honor? Or do they hear you belittle or degrade your spouse?
If they hear you speak disrespectfully about their father or mother, it will have consequences—not just in your marriage, but in how your children view and respond to authority.
My point here is simple: A child who shows no respect for their parents is more likely to have larger problems with authority in society. It starts in the home. If they don’t learn to respect and honor their parents, they will likely struggle with authority in general as they move into adulthood and broader society.
The home is where honoring authority is first learned, and it sets the tone for how we relate to all God-given authority in our lives.
Even when authority is misused, we are still called to show respect.
This is one of the most difficult aspects of honoring authority: what do you do when authority is misused or abused? The reality is that some people grow up with parents who struggled with addictions, who may have abused, abandoned, or neglected them. That kind of pain and trauma makes it incredibly difficult to show any respect to those parents, doesn’t it?
Yet, the Bible doesn’t ignore the fact that parents—and authorities in general—are sinful. It recognizes that people in positions of authority can fail miserably, but even in those hard situations, the Bible still upholds the principle of honor. God still calls us to honor authority, even when it has been misused. That doesn’t mean we are supposed to approve of wrong actions or submit to abuse, but it does mean that we are called to recognize the God-given role of the person in authority.
For instance, think of Jacob in the Book of Genesis. Jacob was a father who clearly showed favoritism to his son Joseph, and his other sons were bitter about it. Favoritism in the family can have terrible effects, and in Jacob’s case, it led to deep division among his sons, even to the point where they sold their own brother into slavery. And yet, later in the story, Judah, one of Jacob’s other sons, still looked out for his father. Even though Jacob wasn’t a perfect father, Judah still respected his father’s role.
Or consider King Saul, Israel’s first king. Saul was a jealous, paranoid, and erratic father. At one point, he even threw a spear at his own son Jonathan out of rage. And yet, despite all of Saul’s many failings as a father, Jonathan remained loyal to his father and stood by him until the very end. He didn’t approve of everything Saul did, but he still honored the role of father and king.
So, what does this mean for us? Honor doesn’t mean that you approve of all your parents’ actions, but it does mean that you acknowledge their God-given role. Even when your parents haven’t done everything right, you are still called to honor them because of the role that God has given them in your life.
Now, I know that for some people, this idea is extremely difficult. You might be thinking, “There’s no way I can ever show that kind of respect to my parent. You don’t know what they’ve done.” And you’re right—I don’t know your specific situation, and I certainly don’t understand the depths of the trauma that some of you may have experienced. But here’s what I’m saying: Giving honor is not about approving their actions. It’s about acknowledging the role that God gave them, regardless of how well or poorly they performed in that role.
And here’s the good news: God understands the complexity of these relationships. He knows that sometimes, it takes everything we have just to show minimal respect. And when we do that, God honors the effort. He sees that even a small act of respect can be a huge step of obedience and trust in Him. God doesn’t see your honor towards your parents as validating their actions—He sees it as you being faithful to His command.
This leads to a crucial point: Honoring authority often requires setting healthy boundaries. Just because you are called to show respect to an authority figure doesn’t mean that you have to put yourself in a position to be abused or harmed. Setting boundaries with those who misuse authority is not only wise, but it also honors God’s justice and protects you from further harm.
We must recognize that honor and boundaries can coexist. You can still honor the role while creating distance or limits to ensure your own safety. This is especially true in cases of abusive parents or those who exploit their authority. Boundaries are necessary, and God supports them.
Finally, remember this: in a world that is increasingly distrustful of authority, we can still trust God’s plan. Americans, in particular, struggle with this issue. We prize our independence and freedom so highly that we tend to be suspicious of anyone who claims authority over us. But as believers, our hope is not in human authorities—it’s in God’s sovereign plan.
Even when authority is misused, God is still in control, and He is working through those situations. We see this in the early church, where Christians were called to submit to authority even under persecution. In 1 Peter 2:13-14, Peter writes, “Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.”
This was written to Christians who were living under the oppressive Roman Empire, and yet Peter is calling them to honor authority—not because the authorities were perfect, but because God’s authority is ultimate. When Christians submit to authority, even flawed authority, they are ultimately submitting to God’s sovereignty.
So, when we honor those in positions of authority—even when they misuse it—we are ultimately trusting God’s plan and bearing witness to His power.
We naturally resist authority because of our sinful nature.
Let’s talk about the natural resistance we all have towards authority. Why do we resist authority? Well, the Bible tells us it’s because of our sinful nature. We are naturally inclined to believe that we know better than God—and better than any authority He places over us.
This resistance to authority is not just about a rebellious teenager not listening to their parents. It goes much deeper than that. At the core of our resistance to authority is pride. Our sinful nature inclines us to question, disobey, and even outright reject authority—whether it’s God’s authority or human authority.
Think about it. We want to be in control, don’t we? We want to be the ones calling the shots in our lives. We don’t want anyone, whether it’s God or another person, telling us what to do. We want to feel like we are the captain of our own ship, the one charting our own course. And because of that, we resist any notion of submitting to an external authority—even when that authority is loving and just, like God’s.
Now, isn’t that interesting? We know—those of us who believe in God—we know that God’s authority is good. We know that He is a loving and just authority, and yet we still resist Him. What does that tell you about what’s going on inside of us? It tells us that our sinful nature is deep-rooted, and we are naturally inclined to push back against authority, even when it’s for our own good.
This is where pride becomes particularly dangerous. At the core of our sinful nature is pride, which drives us to resist any form of authority that challenges our independence. We don’t want to submit because we don’t want to give up control. But here’s the thing: pride blinds us to the wisdom of submitting to authority, especially authority that is meant for our good. We often don’t see it in the moment because we’re too proud to admit that someone else might know better, or that someone else’s authority could actually be beneficial to us.
In fact, pride leads us into blind spots. Have you ever noticed that? When pride takes over, we can’t see clearly. We think we’re making decisions that are good for us, but in reality, we’re making decisions that are harmful. We think we know what’s best, but our prideful resistance to authority causes us to make choices that ultimately lead to damage—to ourselves, to others, and to our relationship with God.
Proverbs 16:17 says, “The highway of the upright is to depart from evil; he who watches his way preserves his life.” We need to be careful to watch our way. And what does that mean? It means we need to be aware of our pride. We need to be aware of those moments when we’re pushing back against authority simply because we don’t want to submit. It’s in those moments that we need to check our hearts and ask ourselves if we’re being driven by pride or if we’re truly seeking what’s best.
We see an example of this kind of prideful rebellion in Numbers 16 with Korah, Dathan, and Abiram. These men rebelled against the authority of Moses, but their real rebellion was against God, who had chosen Moses to lead the people. They were proud, they resisted authority, and they thought they knew better than the leader God had appointed. And what was the result of their prideful rebellion? God opened up the ground and swallowed them—along with their families.
That’s the danger of pride. When we let pride take over, it doesn’t just affect us—it has broader consequences. Korah, Dathan, and Abiram’s rebellion didn’t just impact them. It impacted their entire families and the entire community. That’s what happens when we resist authority. It creates a ripple effect of consequences—on us, on our families, and on society as a whole.
So, my point here is this: we naturally resist authority because of our sinful nature. We want to be in control. We want to be independent, and our pride tells us that we don’t need to submit to anyone. But in doing so, we often make choices that cause harm. That’s why we need to be aware of the ways our pride can lead us astray and ask God to help us submit to His authority and to the authority He has placed over us.
The general result of honoring the authority God places over us is “that your days may be prolonged”
Let’s look at the promise that’s attached to this commandment in Exodus 20:12. The command says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” There is a general result that comes from honoring the authority God places over us, and that result is prolonged days.
Now, what does that mean? What does it mean that your days may be prolonged? This promise implies both a personal blessing for the individual and a communal stability for the nation or community that follows God’s design for authority. It’s not just about individual benefits; it’s about the well-being of society as a whole.
The Apostle Paul reiterates this in the New Testament in Ephesians 6:2, where he says, “Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).” This is the first commandment with a promise, and the promise is that by honoring your parents—and by extension, honoring authority—you experience a fuller, richer life. You experience stability and peace in your own life and in the community around you.
Think about it like this: A society that honors its elders and respects authority is like a well-rooted tree. A tree that’s deeply connected to the wisdom and stability of the past is going to be healthy and produce fruit for future generations. That’s the image here—honoring authority brings about stability, continuity, and blessing.
Now, this promise of prolonged days isn’t just about individual longevity. It’s about the quality of life that comes from living according to God’s design. God’s blessings—whether they are physical, spiritual, or relational—are tied to our willingness to submit to His authority and the authority structures He has placed in our lives.
Look at the phrase “in the land which the LORD your God gives you.” For Israel, this was a literal promise—they would inherit the Promised Land if they followed God’s commands. But for us, even though we might not inherit a literal Promised Land, we inherit something just as significant when we submit to authority. By submitting to the authority of our parents, the authority in society, and most importantly, the ultimate authority of God, we inherit spiritual rest and a deeper relationship with God. This brings about peace and blessing in our lives.
But here’s the thing—freedom without boundaries leads to chaos. When people live with no regard for authority, they become enslaved to their own desires, pride, and sin. We think that freedom means doing whatever we want, but the reality is that when we reject authority, we become enslaved to ourselves—and that’s a very dangerous place to be.
That’s the paradox of the Christian life: We are most free when we are most obedient to God. True freedom is not found in doing whatever we want. It’s found in living within the boundaries that God has set for us, boundaries that are meant for our good.
Think about it like this: A pianist is most free to play a beautiful piece of music only after years of submission to practice and learning the structure of music. It’s only through discipline and submission that they gain the freedom to express themselves fully. In the same way, true spiritual freedom is found when we submit to God’s authority and live within His design.
Romans 6:22 says, “But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.” When we are freed from sin and enslaved to God, we derive the benefits of sanctification—becoming more like Christ—and ultimately, we receive the outcome of eternal life. That’s the kind of freedom God offers us.
So, when we honor authority—whether it’s parental authority, governmental authority, or spiritual authority—we experience the peace and security that come from trusting God’s design. We experience the blessing that comes from living within the order that God has created for our good.
There are major shifts happening in our society right now. People aren’t necessarily becoming more religious or adopting Christianity, but there is an increasing awareness, even in secular circles, of the wisdom that comes from following biblical principles—principles like the Ten Commandments, honoring parents, and the importance of family.
In fact, we are seeing a growing trend among younger generations—particularly Generation Z—who are looking back, beyond their parents, to rediscover traditional roles and values that bring stability and flourishing. People are recognizing that following these age-old principles leads to a better, healthier life, even if they don’t fully understand the biblical foundations behind them.
But as Christians, we know where our ultimate allegiance lies. Our allegiance and honor belong to God first. When we disrespect our parents or the authority God has placed over us, we are ultimately disrespecting God Himself. We’re dishonoring His design, and when we live outside of that design, things fall apart.
I want to ask you a question as we close: Have you ever dishonored the authority God has placed over you? Is there anyone here who has never disobeyed their parents, or never resisted authority? Raise your hand if that’s you.
I don’t see any hands, and that’s because we’ve all done it. And when we break God’s law, we are accountable to Him for it. The penalty for sin is death—not just physical death, but spiritual death, eternal separation from God.
You see, even something as simple as talking back to your parents has eternal consequences. Jesus said, “Every idle word will be accounted for on Judgment Day.” Even our attitudes toward authority are judged by God. And if we break the law once, we’ve broken the whole thing, and we are guilty before God.
But here’s the good news: God knew we could never make it on our own. That’s why He sent His Son, Jesus, to pay the debt that we owed. Jesus died on the cross, taking the penalty for our sins, for all the ways we’ve dishonored God, rebelled against authority, and tried to live life on our own terms.
But it doesn’t stop there. Jesus rose from the dead, giving us new life. He doesn’t just clear our debt; He gives us a new power to live the Christian life. Through the Holy Spirit, God Himself comes to live inside of us, giving us the strength to follow Him and live within His authority, even when it’s hard.
So, as we prepare our hearts to partake of communion, I want to invite you to examine your heart. Is there any area of your life where you’ve been resisting God’s authority? Is there any unforgiveness toward those in authority over you—whether it’s your parents, your boss, or anyone else?
Let’s take a moment to reflect on this as we prepare for communion. Let’s remember that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is what makes it possible for us to stand before God—not in our own strength, but in the righteousness of Christ.
