Exodus 20:14
If you have your Bible, I invite you to open it to the Book of Exodus, chapter 20. Today, we’re looking at the seventh commandment. As we’ve been journeying through the Ten Commandments—God’s moral law—we see how God directed Israel’s life, showing them how to live as they prepared to enter the promised land.
Now, we come to a commandment that touches a sensitive topic for a lot of different people because the struggle with sexual immorality is deeply embedded in human nature, isn’t it? It’s been a universal challenge throughout history. Cultures may evolve, but human desires remain remarkably consistent. Some people look at our culture today and say we’re the most sexually debauched culture ever. That’s not true, by the way. Human beings have always wrestled with this.
Sexual temptation is powerful because it speaks to a fundamental part of our humanity—a longing for intimacy and personal connection. Across cultures and throughout history, sexual immorality has led to personal anguish, broken families, and widespread societal challenges. It’s not something that stays hidden in private life; it impacts society at large.
In fact, many of our social challenges today are the result of post-Enlightenment thinkers who, centuries ago, began rejecting monogamy. I came across the work of a British anthropologist, J.D. Unwin, who in 1934 responded to Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology. Unwin argued that societies that enforce strict sexual restraint tend to achieve higher levels of “cultural achievement,” while permissiveness leads to decline.
When I read Unwin’s work, I wondered if his theory had been challenged over the past 90 years. And yes, it has, but I’m amazed by how many scholars—many of whom are not religious at all—are coming out today and affirming the benefits of monogamous marriage. One of these scholars, Louise Perry, a British journalist and feminist, argues in her book The Case Against the Sexual Revolution that monogamy “produces wealthy, stable societies that survive.”
Perry writes that a monogamous marriage system is successful because it “pushes men away from ‘cad mode’…When men are involved in the care of their young children, their testosterone levels drop, alongside their aggression and sex drive.” I had to look up what she meant by “cad mode.” Apparently, it’s the opposite of “dad mode”—when a man views women only as something to consume. So I read that and thought, “Lord, please don’t let my testosterone levels drop just because I have kids!” Joking aside, Perry isn’t alone in her perspective. It’s striking to me how many secular voices are now acknowledging the damage done by the sexual revolution, particularly for women.
God’s design for monogamous marriage offers the best path to lasting stability and happiness, both for individuals and for society. His command here should not be seen as something outdated or restrictive; it’s tremendously beneficial to society. So we’re going to begin today, not in Exodus, but in Genesis, to look at the origin of marriage itself. Because my first point is that marriage is God’s covenant gift, and until we understand what marriage is, we can’t fully appreciate why God prohibits sexual intimacy outside of that covenant between one man and one woman.
Marriage is God’s covenant gift.
God’s command here should not be seen as archaic; rather, it is tremendously beneficial to society. So today, we are actually going to begin not in Exodus but in Genesis, because we need to understand what marriage truly is. My first point is that marriage is God’s covenant gift. Until we grasp the essence of marriage, we can’t really appreciate why God forbids any form of sexual intimacy outside of the committed union between one man and one woman. God himself designed marriage to be complementary, comprehensive, and exclusive.
Returning to the very first book of the Bible, Genesis chapter 2, we see that even before sin entered the world, God explains why He made Eve for Adam. God ordained marriage, and He is the one who created the union between a man and a woman. As the verse says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Let’s spend a few minutes looking at this verse, because it reveals God’s design for marriage. First, marriage is complementary. And I don’t mean “complementary” in the sense that the husband and wife are always offering each other praise or compliments. Rather, I mean they complement each other—they meet each other’s differences and balance each other out. Genesis 2 focuses on this unique creation of male and female, illustrating how the dynamics of their relationship play out. Contrary to some views from the 1970s and 80s, men and women are different—not just biologically, but in how God has designed them. God created these differences intentionally.
Notice the phrase, “For this reason.” If you read Genesis 2, you’ll see that prior to this verse, God tasked Adam with naming all the animals. Adam realizes, through this task, that he is alone and that no other creature shares his nature. Adam learns that he is unique, and for this reason, he needs a partner. Marriage is designed to be complementary in this way.
Additionally, marriage is comprehensive. It is intended to bring two distinct individuals into a partnership where every part of their lives is shared. God says, “They shall be joined…they shall become one flesh.” While physical union is certainly implied, marriage encompasses far more than just sex. Anyone who has been married knows this. Marriage is an emotional union, a financial union, and a spiritual union. When a husband and wife marry, they unite all aspects of their lives.
Finally, the marital relationship is exclusive. God says, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife”—not to his wives. He is to leave his family because he and his wife are to become their own family unit. God did not give Adam both Eve and Sally. And though polygamy was practiced by some Old Testament saints, the Bible never condones it. God may have allowed it, but if we think the Bible endorses polygamy, we aren’t reading carefully. Every instance of polygamy involving people like Abraham, David, or Jacob leads to dysfunction and chaos in their homes. The reason for this is straightforward: we only have so much of ourselves to give. By being exclusive with my spouse, I protect my comprehensive commitment to them. If I have a spouse and also a side girlfriend or boyfriend, my attention and dedication are divided.
Marriage is not a human invention; it is a divine covenant that God deeply cares about. Let’s take a moment to look at the word “covenant.” Turn with me to Malachi 2:14. Malachi, the last book in the Old Testament just before Matthew, contains an important message from God to Israel. At this point, Israel is back in their land and has a temple, but they are not honoring God in their worship. In verse 14, God addresses this directly, saying, “The Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
The word “covenant” is significant when it comes to marriage because it differentiates God’s view of marriage from the typical Western concept. By and large, Americans see marriage as a contract, not a covenant. They view it as a voluntary partnership between two people who choose to build a life together for as long as it remains fulfilling for both partners. That’s a contract, like a business arrangement—conditional on it remaining mutually beneficial. But God’s design for marriage is different: it’s a covenant that mirrors His own faithfulness to His people, a lifelong commitment of loyalty. That’s the difference between a contractual view of marriage and a covenantal one. A covenant is meant to be honored regardless of moods or happiness.
As a reflection of God’s relationship with His people, marriage is to be characterized by steadfast love, sacrificial love, and grace. A healthy marriage needs a lot of grace, a lot of mercy, doesn’t it? Some of you may want to say “Amen” as you sit next to your spouse. Let’s be honest—marriage isn’t easy. It’s worth it, but it’s not easy. Within this covenant, marriage is rooted in a mutual commitment focused on shared dedication to what the couple has built, rather than individual gain. I’m not just focused on what I get out of it; I’m focused on what we’re building together.
Marriage unites two people with complementary roles and characteristics, designed by God to enhance each other. Sometimes we need our spouse to help us grow in ways we may not want to. Marriage reveals our flaws, doesn’t it? And we don’t always want to look at those flaws. But this covenantal commitment fosters a stable environment where values, morals, and support structures can thrive. We need these structures in our lives, don’t we? And this stability benefits not just the married couple or even just the children—it has a broader impact on society.
Sociologists agree, almost unanimously, that children have the best chance for success in life when they grow up in a home where both mom and dad are involved and present. This doesn’t mean that single parents can’t raise successful children—they certainly do all the time. This is a general principle. When we talk about the odds for success, though, a stable family structure gives children a better foundation. Many people overcome tough childhoods, but a stable marriage provides a foundation that benefits the couple, their children, and society at large.
God’s design for marriage is that we would honor it as a covenant, a gift from Him to us. Honoring this gift means cherishing marriage as something valuable and life-giving. We need to hold it in reverence and gratitude. And sometimes that takes work, doesn’t it? Anyone who has been married—if they’re honest—will tell you that they’re not always grateful for their marriage, because marriage isn’t easy.
When you put two individuals together, they have to learn to work things out. Numerous studies find that married people report higher levels of life satisfaction and happiness. And these studies aren’t religious; they’re secular reports showing that marriage offers a lot of benefits. It provides better physical health, a sense of security, reduced loneliness and depression, a sense of purpose, discipline, economic advantages, and stronger ties to the community. A community full of strong marriages will be a strong community.
But marriage is challenging. Often, marriage struggles with unmet expectations. We expect certain things, and our expectations don’t always align with reality, nor do we always meet our spouse’s expectations. Communication often breaks down, and marriage can become monotonous, even routine, sometimes leaving us feeling emotionally disconnected from our spouse. These experiences can cloud our view of marriage as we go through different seasons of struggle.
Many people enter marriage with the expectation that their spouse will meet all their needs in life. That expectation can be incredibly disillusioning. When we expect our spouse to fulfill every need, we overlook the deep satisfaction found in serving, supporting, and honoring each other in the way that Christ does for us. Friends, your spouse is not going to meet your every need in life. Only Christ can do that. Because of this, marriage takes work—it requires us to face challenges together. It promotes mutual personal growth, helping us overcome personal weaknesses and build a more balanced emotional life.
For me, marriage taught me the most about struggling with self-pity and feeling sorry for myself. Marriage helped me confront these parts of myself. God designed marriage to help us examine areas of our lives that we might otherwise avoid looking at. And though it’s often uncomfortable, there’s no relationship that will grow your patience, humility, and ability to forgive like marriage.
Marriage is a lifelong journey of growth and commitment. The end of your marriage, believe me, is not your wedding day; it’s the last day. Marriage takes commitment and a willingness to grow. But at the end of it all, you reflect on the love, sacrifice, and strength you’ve cultivated along the way with this person. I love talking to older couples who’ve been married for decades, hearing about how they’re still learning things about each other after 50, even 70 years of marriage. It’s incredible.
After all that time invested and poured into one another, there are moments when you just want to give up because it’s hard. Sometimes, you may think of giving up and finding someone easier to live with. But my friends, after all the investment, the reward comes at the end. I once heard it said—and I’ve held on to this—that the most important day of your marriage isn’t your wedding day; it’s the last day. It’s that day when one of you departs from this Earth, and you look back at all God has done—all the reward and benefit of that investment.
This is why God commands us in Exodus 20:14, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Adultery Destroys what God Intends to Protect.
The Israelites were preparing to enter Canaan, a land where sexual immorality wasn’t just accepted but was part of the culture. The people of Canaan worshiped Baal, a fertility god, through rituals that included temple prostitution. This worship, involving such sexual immorality, would be a major temptation for Israel. As you continue reading the Old Testament, you’ll see that it became a significant stumbling block, repeatedly leading Israel away from God.
God hates adultery deeply, and it’s not just one sin among many. Adultery shatters the sacred trust, unity, and covenant God has established in marriage. It doesn’t only harm the individuals directly involved but causes devastation that ripples out to families, communities, and ultimately society as a whole.
God’s design for sexuality is personal, relational, exclusive, and intimate, and adultery corrupts this entire design. Our sexuality is a deeply personal and private part of our identity, intended to be shared in a selective and meaningful way. It isn’t meant to be shared with multiple partners or casually, but as a unique and significant connection with one person.
Moreover, our sexuality is relational. It isn’t just about self-gratification but is meant to draw us into a deeper relationship with our spouse. Physical touch is a powerful bonding tool, and it creates a space where spouses feel safe, open, and vulnerable with each other. Skin-to-skin contact releases chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine, enhancing feelings of closeness, trust, and attachment.
Interestingly, men and women experience this bonding differently. Louise Perry, a non-religious feminist, writes about how women are biologically more susceptible to emotional attachment in these encounters. She points out that the sexual revolution actually harmed women in this regard because it promised liberation but ultimately overlooked this natural, emotional response that creates a deeper bond. Women often struggle to detach emotionally from a sexual partner, even in casual relationships, because our bodies are designed to bond through physical intimacy.
During sexual intimacy, there’s a profound feeling of being understood and accepted. This closeness reflects the kind of intimacy God desires in relationships and His covenant with His people. God created this unique connection within marriage to mirror the bond He shares with His people.
Marriage is exclusive by design. Exclusivity in marriage ensures that the vulnerabilities, affection, and trust involved in sexual intimacy aren’t divided. By adding another partner, we distort the unique, loyal relationship that God intended marriage to be and that Christ has with His Church.
Paul writes in Ephesians 5:32, “This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” This verse reminds us that marriage is meant to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. In marriage, a husband is called to love, protect, and nurture his wife, just as Christ corporately loves, protects, and nurtures His church.
The act of sexual immorality, then, doesn’t just violate a marriage bond. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, it’s a sin against your own body. He writes, “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” As Christians, our bodies are not our own; they belong to Christ. He’s given Himself fully to redeem us, and we are called to honor Him in every part of our lives, including our sexuality.
In this light, adultery isn’t just breaking a rule; it’s a kind of covenantal treason. It’s treacherous because it disrupts the exclusive, intimate design that God has established in marriage. Adultery introduces an outside party, diminishing the sacredness of marital intimacy. It disrupts the bonding process that marriage is meant to foster, creating emotional confusion and distress for both the betrayed and the betrayer.
As people often said before the Supreme Court’s Obergefell decision in 2015, “What happens in the bedroom only affects me; it’s no one else’s business.” Well, that’s only true to an extent. Sexual immorality doesn’t just affect you; it impacts how you see your life, how you bond with others, and ultimately, how you affect the lives of those around you. It disrupts the basic family structure upon which society relies.
And if we’re wondering why society is in such disarray today, it’s no secret: family values have broken down. When the family structure falls apart, so does society. We also know that it’s possible to commit this sin without even being physically engaged in the act. Jesus pointed this out clearly in Matthew 5:27, which we read earlier: “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Honor Begins with Holiness in the Heart.
Before any outward, physical betrayal, adultery begins quietly, deep within us. It starts with the thoughts we entertain, the emotional attachments we allow to linger, and the boundaries we fail to guard. This internal battle is why Jesus addresses not only our actions but our very thoughts and desires. In Matthew 5:27-30, He says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery,’ but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus isn’t merely pointing to actions; He’s revealing the serious impact of what happens in our minds and hearts.
Now, Jesus doesn’t stop there. He goes on to use a very powerful hyperbole, an exaggeration meant to drive home the point of just how serious this sin is and the extent we must go to guard our hearts. In verses 29-30, He says, “If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better to lose one of the parts of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Now, clearly, Jesus isn’t telling us to literally harm ourselves, but He is teaching us the need to take drastic measures to protect ourselves from sin. Lust and adultery aren’t minor issues; they’re deadly serious. And Jesus calls us to guard against them vigilantly.
John Piper speaks directly to this in one of his articles, where he says something that’s convicting and powerful. Piper writes, “If you don’t fight this sin with the kind of seriousness that is willing to gouge out your own eye, you will go to hell and suffer there forever.” I understand that may sound intense, maybe even harsh, but this isn’t about being overly dramatic—it’s about understanding the eternal consequences of letting sin take root in our hearts. Jesus Himself is the one giving this warning, not just any preacher or teacher. He’s telling us that unchecked lust, left to grow, can lead not only to broken relationships here and now but ultimately to eternal separation from God.
Some might say, “Well, doesn’t God hate all sin equally?” Yes, all sin separates us from God, but there are some sins—especially sexual sins—that God sees with a unique severity. Why? Because sexual immorality corrupts His design for purity and uniquely violates the covenant bond of marriage, a bond that reflects Christ’s relationship with His church. In the Old Testament, the penalty for adultery was death, and this severe consequence highlights just how seriously God views this sin.
In Leviticus 20:10, we read, “If there is a man who commits adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Now, I’m not suggesting we return to capital punishment for adultery today, but we do need to understand the weight of this sin in God’s eyes.
In the New Testament, adultery, or sexual immorality, is one of the very few grounds for divorce. Jesus emphasizes this in Matthew 19:9, where He says, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” This is tough, and we have to deal with this, don’t we? I can’t unpack all of this today—there are so many directions this message could go, and I know I don’t have enough time to address everything. But I want you to see that in the Old Testament, the penalty for adultery was capital punishment, death. In the New Testament, it’s divorce, and ultimately, if there’s no repentance, eternity in hell. If you do not repent, you will go to hell for this.
Look at 1 Corinthians 6, starting in verse 9. Paul writes, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?” He says, “Do not be deceived.” And I want to focus on those words—do not be deceived. Why? Because you and I are so likely to deceive ourselves regarding God’s command in this area. Our sexual appetites, our desire for that intimate connection where we are fully known, are so strong that we are very likely to deceive ourselves when it comes to this. Paul says, “Do not be deceived: neither fornicators”—now, what’s a fornicator? We don’t hear that word much anymore. Fornication is when two unmarried people engage in premarital sex—“neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers”—that’s when one of the partners is married—“nor the effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”
Now, it’s important to point out that this list isn’t just about sexual sin. It also mentions greed, drunkenness, cheating others, and scoffing at people. So it’s not just about sexual immorality—but sexual immorality is in it. And if you don’t repent, Paul says, you will go to hell.
“Do not be deceived.” Why does Paul tell us not to be deceived? Because we are so likely to deceive ourselves here. You might say, “Well, what about grace and mercy? I thought I was saved by what Jesus did for me. Are you telling me I have to do good works and be a good person? Doesn’t that go against what you’ve taught about how we get to heaven, Pastor?” And no, it doesn’t. You need to understand that the Bible teaches you are made right with God, not by keeping the law, because you can never fully keep it. You can’t make yourself right with God by checking boxes or by what you do or don’t do. It doesn’t work because you can’t do it perfectly.
You’re made right with God simply because God sent His Son to pay the price, to take the penalty you deserve upon Himself, dying on the cross and then rising again. The Bible says you’re saved by grace alone. That’s it—by faith, by believing in Him and repenting. So while I’m not saved by my good works, true salvation does produce good works. Does that make sense? The root produces the fruit; the fruit doesn’t produce the root. If you’re saved, it’s not that you won’t struggle with these things, but you despise the struggle—you run from it. But if you’re okay with living in these sins, Paul is warning the church in Corinth, then you need to watch out, because you’re probably going to go to hell. You’re probably not saved if you’re okay living in that kind of lifestyle.
True repentance will bear fruit. True repentance will hate sin and will say to God, as David did, “Against You, You only, have I sinned” (Psalm 51). David committed adultery, and he’s described as a king after God’s own heart. God Himself gave David that title—a man after His own heart. But David didn’t just commit adultery with Bathsheba, Uriah’s wife; he had Uriah murdered to cover it up. And yet God forgave him. But understand, David repented—he acknowledged his sin. He didn’t just try to save face and put on an appearance so he could keep doing what he wanted to do. His repentance was genuine. Now, I realize this is a hard message, and some of us might be squirming. Honestly, I expected some of us to feel that way. But I want you to know, you’re not alone. I’m convinced that every human being on Earth has committed this sin in one way or another—not necessarily in the same way, but in some way.
Forgiveness & Renewal are Possible.
But I want you to know that my final point is this: forgiveness and renewal are possible. We’re looking at God’s heart, and by now I think you’re starting to see that we can never measure up to this standard. If that’s what God expects of me, of you, we might as well give up. Why even try? And here’s what you need to understand—you’re on the right track if you’re feeling that way. That’s the point: trying to earn God’s grace or your way to heaven by being good doesn’t work, because we simply can’t do it.
And this is why Jesus had to die on the cross for our sin. There’s no sin too great for Him to forgive, no wound He can’t begin to heal, no life He can’t start renewing. He begins to change you, day by day. Some people change faster than others; for most of us, it’s a slow process, but He renews you, day in and day out.
I want to turn back to 1 Corinthians 6, my final verse today. Paul writes, after warning them of the consequences of sin, that “such were some of you.” He’s writing to people in Corinth, a city infamous for being one of the most morally corrupt in the entire Roman Empire. Back then, if someone called you a “Corinthian,” it meant you were seen as immoral. Today we say, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Corinth was worse than Vegas. And yet people—men and women—were being saved in this city. “Such were some of you,” Paul says. They were no longer slaves to their sexual appetites, because Jesus washed them. They were clean. They were related to God differently now. They were something new, set apart, sanctified. Paul says they were justified, meaning when God looked at them, He didn’t see their sin anymore. He saw them as perfect, like Jesus.
This isn’t a popular message. We’d like to lower our standards to make it easier because, in today’s culture, it just feels so hard to live this out. We imagine maybe it was simpler a hundred years ago without today’s constant temptations. But temptation was always there—it just wasn’t always so in-your-face. I don’t need to go into the statistics on pornography; I think we all know how serious that issue is, and many of us know it firsthand.
Friends, Jesus can save you; He can cleanse you. But if you’re not willing to repent, if you’re not willing to turn to Him, there’s no hope for you. None. God forbid that anyone here is so trapped in this that they can’t see a way out. But know this: Jesus can deliver you. It’s going to take repentance; it’s going to take continually coming back to Him. And it begins by going to the cross right now. You go to Christ and say, “I’ve done this. I know what You say, and I know I’ve offended You. Please forgive me,” and believe that He does. Acknowledge that He has changed you from the inside out.
Let’s invite Matthew up to lead us in a time of prayer. This is a time for us to search our own hearts. How will you respond to what God’s word has taught us today? None of us are righteous—no, not one. If you’re a sinner, a struggler, then you’re in good company. Go to Christ, and He will forgive you.
Let’s pray.
“Lord, I am a vile man. I’m not worthy to be even a doormat for You to step on. I have sinned against You. I have violated the gift You’ve given me. I have a heart enslaved by things You don’t want for me. I’m really messed up, Lord. But Jesus, I don’t understand it, but You died for my sin. Your word says that if I trust in You, if I believe and turn my life over to You, and if I repent, I will be forgiven, and You will make me new. Jesus, I pray You would do this in my life. Help me. Don’t leave me where I am. In Your name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.”
