One of the most painful wounds a person can carry is the experience of being abandoned. It often begins early in life, sometimes when a parent walks away, other times when a caregiver is emotionally unavailable, even if physically present. The child learns that love isn’t reliable, that people don’t stay, that trust is dangerous. And while the way we cope may change with age, the ache does not. Adults with abandonment wounds often live with a quiet desperation. They brace for loss. They struggle to believe anyone will stay. They may isolate to avoid pain or cling in fear of rejection. When this kind of wound begins early in childhood and deeply disrupts emotional development, psychologists call it Reactive Attachment Disorder. But even when it’s not that severe, many live with quieter, unnamed versions of the same struggle every day. The emotional ache often unsettles our sense of identity. When someone we trusted walks away, it doesn’t just hurt; it unsettles who we believe we are. We begin to define ourselves through the lens of that loss.
While the disciples may not have carried lifelong abandonment wounds, they were suddenly gripped by the fear of losing the One they trusted most. On the night before Jesus died, He told them in the upper room that He was leaving, and that they couldn’t follow. It felt like a gut punch. These men had walked away from everything to follow Him. The left jobs, homes, reputations. He was their whole world. And now, the One they trusted to be the Messiah, the One they thought would bring God’s kingdom crashing down on Rome, says He’s going away. It cracked the foundation of who they thought they were. If Jesus leaves, what’s left of them? Jesus was the only One who never let them down. And now, the eleven men left begin to panic at the thought of being alone, abandoned, left to carry on what Jesus had started.
The Lord saw how troubled and disheartened His disciples were when they realized He was about to leave them. So, He lifts their hearts by assuring them of the good that would come from His departure. He urges them not to be afraid and then explains that the way to find peace was to trust the promises of His Father, promises He Himself had made and would continue to make on the Father’s behalf. Among those promises, the most important was the gift of the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Unlike Jesus’ physical presence, which would soon be taken from them, the Holy Spirit would remain with them, not temporarily, but forever. Jesus spoke to them as sincere believers who were grieved and unsettled, and He gave this promise to strengthen their faith and bring real peace to their troubled hearts. And at the center of that comfort is the Father’s promise to give them His own Spirit, permanently. Let’s read:
John 14:16 NASB “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
God the Father gives the Spirit as an irrevocable gift.
When Jesus says, “I will ask the Father,” He anchors this promise in the gracious initiative of God Himself. The Father is not a reluctant giver, but the One from whom every good and perfect gift flows (James 1:17). He isn’t a detached deity who has to be persuaded, but a loving covenant God who, according to His eternal plan, delights to give His Spirit to His children.
Luke 11:13 NASB “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?”
Jesus’ request reflects the perfect unity of divine will within the Godhead. The Father gives the Helper not on impulse or condition, but as an irrevocable gift grounded in the New Covenant He Himself established.
Ezekiel 36:27 NASB “I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances.
This is not a trial period of presence. This is the settled will of the Father: that those united to His Son would never again be without the presence of God. He gives the Spirit not temporarily, but permanently, because He never forsakes His own.
Jesus didn’t say the Father might give the Spirit, or that He would lend Him for a while, He said the Father will give another Helper, that He may be with you forever. That’s covenant language. A covenant is a binding promise God makes to His people, rooted in His character, not in their performance. It’s not a contract where both sides negotiate terms, it’s a pledge God initiates and guarantees. And it’s not the first time He’s spoken this way. Long before Jesus sat with His disciples in the upper room, the Father made a covenant promise through the prophet Isaiah. After declaring that He Himself would bring salvation when no one else could He says:
Isaiah 59:21 NASB “As for Me, this is My covenant with them,” says the LORD: “My Spirit which is upon you, and My words which I have put in your mouth shall not depart from your mouth, nor from the mouth of your offspring, nor from the mouth of your offspring’s offspring,” says the LORD, “from now and forever.”
The Father’s gift of the Spirit is part of a divine Trinitarian plan, a heavenly testimony to your security, that was set in motion before the foundations of the world. This wasn’t a last-minute rescue mission. It was the eternal purpose of a God who is both just and gracious. And when that sinks in, it reshapes how you relate to Him. The Spirit isn’t given because you finally got your act together. He’s given to make sure you don’t fall apart. He doesn’t arrive after obedience, He creates it. His presence in your life doesn’t depend on your constancy, but on the Father’s. And the Father doesn’t revoke gifts He’s given by grace. This is not a contract you can void by your failure. It’s a covenant He upholds by His mercy. And if Scripture spoke this way 700 years before Christ was born, it only confirms all the more that our Heavenly Father finishes what He starts. You don’t fall in and out of salvation because you’re not the one holding the leash, He is. And the Spirit is God’s leash which keeps you from drifting too far from home. You don’t hold Him in place, He holds you in place. His presence is the Father’s unbreakable promise to keep you, carry you, and complete what He started.
Isaiah 59 shows us the tragic reality of universal failure, no one is righteous, no one is able to intercede (v. 16). In response, God Himself armors up (vv. 17–18) to save not just ethnic Israel but to all “who turn from transgression in Jacob” (v. 20). God binds Himself to His people through the gift of His Spirit, not temporarily, but forever. This promise is absolute, not conditional. There’s no “if you obey, then I’ll stay.” Why? Because the Spirit’s presence is rooted not in our merit, but in Christ’s mediation. If the Spirit could depart based on our performance, He would’ve never been given. The gospel isn’t “Try hard and maybe God will help”, it’s “Christ died, and now God will never leave.” So when Jesus says in John 14:16 that the Spirit will be with you forever, He’s not innovating. He’s fulfilling. Isaiah 59:21 is the Father’s voice; John 14:16 is the Son’s echo. And the Spirit Himself? He’s the seal. That’s not wishful thinking. That’s covenant. That’s security. That’s the triune God saying: You are Mine. And I am not going anywhere.
But notice, this unshakable promise of the Spirit doesn’t just rest on the Father’s covenant love. It’s also secured by the Son’s ongoing work. Jesus doesn’t merely announce that the Spirit will come, He asks the Father. That phrase, “I will ask,” shows us that the giving of the Spirit is not only the will of the Father, but the active request of the Son, who stands before the Father on our behalf. The Spirit comes to us not only from divine promise, but through divine pleading. Let’s look more closely at how…
God the Son secures the Spirit’s presence by His intercession.
John 14:16 NASB “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
Jesus doesn’t say, “I’ll see what I can do.” He says, “I will ask the Father.” This is not a fleeting moment of prayer, as if Jesus offers a polite request and then steps aside. It is a covenantal petition made on behalf of Christ’s people, all His people, for all time. In John 17:20, Jesus prays, “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but also for those who believe in Me through their word.” He’s not making repeated negotiations. This is the once-for-all request of the once-for-all Redeemer. The giving of the Spirit is not merely a moment in time, it is the fruit of God’s eternal purpose, sealed by the Son’s own blood and secured by His intercession.
And let me ask you, do you think the Father ever says “no” to the Son? Do you think Jesus makes requests that go unanswered? When Christ asks on your behalf, He is not begging for favors. He is securing what He purchased. The Spirit isn’t a possibility. He’s a guaranteed gift, given in response to a prayer that cannot be denied.
The New Testament is full of references to Christ’s ongoing role as our advocate and intercessor. Romans 8:34 says, “Christ Jesus… is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.” Hebrews 7:25 says He “always lives to make intercession for them.” But this doesn’t mean He’s pleading in panic or begging the Father to be merciful. It means that His very presence at the Father’s right hand, bearing the wounds of our redemption, is the unbreakable guarantee that we will not be forsaken. The pinnacle of that intercession, the highest expression of what Christ secured, is the sending of the Holy Spirit to dwell in us forever.
Without the Spirit, none of the other blessings of salvation would reach us. Forgiveness, adoption, assurance, sanctification, communion with God, all of it is applied to us through the Spirit. The Spirit takes the work of Christ and presses it into the core of who we are. He doesn’t just help us remember Christ, He makes us alive in Christ. That’s why Jesus told the disciples that it was better for Him to go (John 16:7). The cross was not the end, it was the means by which the Spirit could come to live in us, not just beside us. If the Spirit can be lost, then every other grace of God collapses with Him. If He can depart, then our hope is a house of cards.
And this is exactly what makes Jesus’ words in John 14:16 so staggering: “He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever.” Not for a season. Not until you blow it. Forever. If the Son asks, the Father gives, and the gift does not expire. To say we can lose the Spirit is to say Christ’s intercession was partial, or God’s promise was fragile. But both the intercession and the promise are grounded in a covenant that cannot break.
Christ died not only to remove the guilt of sin, but to clear the way for the Spirit to dwell in us. That was the goal all along: not just forgiveness, but union. Not just pardon, but presence. To undo the Spirit’s work would be to undo the cross, and that’s impossible. If that were possible you could never regain your salvation because Christ would have to be crucified a second time. When Jesus says He will ask the Father, He’s not expressing hope, He’s declaring victory. And when the Spirit comes to dwell in you, He is not testing the waters. He is there to stay forever. And that’s why Jesus calls Him “another Helper.”
God the Spirit seals us for redemption and preserves our faith.
John 14:16 NASB “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
When the Bible says that the Holy Spirit seals the believer, it is not using poetic or symbolic language. It is referring to something real. Something legal. Something permanent. Paul writes that
2 Corinthians 1:22 NASB: who also sealed us and gave us the Spirit in our hearts as a pledge.
That word “sealed” comes from the ancient practice of using a wax stamp to mark ownership, authenticity, or legal protection. Think of a king placing his royal seal on a letter: it means, “This belongs to me. Don’t tamper with it. And whatever is promised in this document will be carried out.” The same imagery appears in Ephesians 1:13, where Paul says,
Ephesians 1:13 NASB In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation–having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise,
Ephesians 4:30 NASB Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
In each case, the Holy Spirit is not merely present, He is doing something. He is acting as God’s personal mark, securing you until the day when Jesus returns to finish what He started.
John Owen on The Two Purposes of the Seal: Security and Certainty
In his book on the “The Doctrine of the Saint’s Perseverance”, puritan John Owen helpfully explains that the biblical image of sealing has two main purposes: to secure and to assure. First, sealing means security. In the ancient world, people would seal up something valuable, like coins in a bag or a will in a scroll, to keep it safe. The seal prevented tampering and protected the contents. That’s what God is doing when He seals a believer with the Holy Spirit: He is saying, “This one is Mine. No one touches them. No one steals them. They are secure.”
Second, sealing also means assurance. In legal documents, a seal was a person’s way of saying, “I will keep my word.” If a property was transferred or a promise made, the seal guaranteed it. In the same way, God gives us the Holy Spirit not just to protect us, but to assure us. He is the evidence that God will carry us all the way to the end. So the Spirit is both God’s lock and His guarantee, His protective presence and His binding promise.
Now here’s where Owen presses in on a very important point. Some people argue that the seal of the Spirit only “sticks” if you remain faithful. In other words, they believe you are sealed as long as you keep believing, but if you sin or fall into doubt, the seal can break. Owen dismantles this with brilliant clarity. He shows that this kind of thinking is circular and self-defeating. If the Holy Spirit seals us to keep us faithful, then it cannot also be true that we must remain faithful in order to stay sealed. Owen writes, in essence: the very purpose of the seal is to preserve you. If you must preserve yourself in order to keep the seal, then the seal is doing nothing. That’s like saying a parachute will save your life, unless you start falling. The logic collapses. God didn’t give you the Holy Spirit to see if you can figure it out midair, He gave Him to preserve you from face-planting.
You Are Sealed Until the Day of Redemption
Ephesians 4:30 says the Spirit seals us “for the day of redemption.” That means the seal doesn’t expire. It doesn’t wear off when we sin or doubt. It stays on us until the day when Jesus comes to finish the work and raise us up with Him. And that seal is not made with wax, it’s made with the living Spirit of God Himself. You can’t erase it. You can’t out-sin it. You can’t break it. That doesn’t mean sin is insignificant. Paul warns us not to grieve the Holy Spirit. Our sin matters, it dishonors God, damages our joy, and disrupts our fellowship. But it doesn’t destroy the seal. God is not a human who changes His mind. The very purpose of sealing is to carry us through those moments of failure, not to revoke the promise in them.
Some Christian will argue that after committing grievous sin, King David begged God not to take His Spirit away:
Psalms 51:11 NASB Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Isn’t that proof that the Spirit’s indwelling is conditional? It may feel that way on the surface, but we must interpret this in light of redemptive history. David was living under the Old Covenant, where the Spirit came upon people for specific roles, especially for kingship. He had seen Saul lose that anointing and feared the same. But David was not asking to stay saved, he was asking to stay useful. He feared divine discipline, not divine abandonment. This prayer reflects David’s longing for restored fellowship and not loss of salvation. Under the New Covenant, Jesus promises something better: the Spirit will dwell with us forever (John 14:16). He may discipline us, but He never departs from those He seals. So when a believer sins, the right response is not to fear abandonment, but to return to the Father who disciplines in love, never in rejection.
In Matthew 25, Jesus tells a parable about ten virgins waiting for a bridegroom. All ten have lamps, but only five bring oil. When the bridegroom arrives, the five foolish virgins go to buy more oil, but it’s too late. The door is shut. When they return, they cry out,
Matthew 25:11-12 NASB …’Lord, lord, open up for us.’ 12 “But he answered, ‘Truly I say to you, I do not know you.’
Some take this to mean that people who were once saved might run out of the Holy Spirit and be shut out of God’s kingdom. That concern is understandable, especially when we remember that in the Old Testament, oil often symbolizes the Holy Spirit, used in the anointing of prophets, priests, and kings (e.g., 1 Sam. 16:13).
But let’s look closely. The parable doesn’t say the bridegroom knew them and rejected them. It simply says, “I do not know you.” That’s consistent with the rest of Scripture, which teaches that Christ knows His sheep, and they know Him (John 10:14). The five foolish virgins weren’t sealed believers who lost their salvation. They were never truly known in covenantal relationship. This parable is a warning to the visible church: being around the things of God isn’t the same as belonging to Him. You can carry a lamp, say the right words, even look like you’re waiting for Christ, and still lack the oil of the Spirit. And the Spirit cannot be borrowed. He is either in you or He is not.
But here’s the comfort: once the Spirit seals a believer, the oil will never run dry. The parable warns us to be ready, but sealed believers are ready, not because they never fail, but because the Spirit never leaves.
Perhaps the most sobering and often misunderstood warning in the New Testament is found in Hebrews 6.
Hebrews 6:4-6 NASB For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, 5 and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6 and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.
At first glance, it sounds like someone can truly be saved and then permanently fall away. But the passage doesn’t say they did fall away in historical fact, it describes what would happen if they did. The NASB translates it, “and then have fallen away.” The grammar functions as a case description, not a narrative of something that has occurred. The writer is saying, in effect, “In the case of someone who experiences all these things and falls away…” It’s a constructed scenario to highlight the irreversible nature of such apostasy, not to suggest that it ever happens to those truly sealed by the Spirit. In fact, the next verses affirm the opposite: “We are convinced of better things concerning you, things that accompany salvation” (v. 9).
That distinction matters. The people in view are genuine believers, not merely those who looked spiritual. But the writer of Hebrews follows the warning with reassurance: “We are convinced of better things concerning you, things that accompany salvation” (v. 9). He doesn’t believe they will fall. Why? Because God preserves His people, not by removing danger, but by using warnings to keep them on the path.
God’s promises and God’s warnings work together. One gives assurance. The other awakens diligence. Hebrews 6 reminds us that apostasy is possible in theory, but never in the outcome God ordains for those He seals. If you’re clinging to Christ, that fear itself may be evidence that the Spirit is working in you to keep you faithful.
God’s intention will not be frustrated.
John 14:16 NASB “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever;
Now we come to the final phrase in Jesus’ promise, “that He may be with you forever.” In Greek, the words ἵνα μένῃ aren’t vague or aspirational. They don’t mean, “hopefully He stays,” or “as long as conditions are right.” They speak of purposeful permanence, an outcome that Christ Himself intends to bring about. When Jesus says the Spirit will remain, it is not mere potential, it is divine determination. His will is effectual, not theoretical. You don’t hold on to the Spirit, you hold on because He stays. That’s why Paul says in Philippians 1:6, “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” The Spirit’s indwelling is not just a grace you receive, it’s the power that keeps you believing. Your perseverance isn’t what secures His presence. His presence is what secures your perseverance. And this means that every step you take in faith, even in weakness, is evidence that God’s intention will not be frustrated.
What This Means When You’re Struggling
Some of you live with spiritual fear. You know your sins. You remember your failures. You sometimes wonder, “How could God still love me after what I’ve done?” Others of you carry hidden doubts. You don’t feel very spiritual. You wonder if you’re even saved.
Hear this: If you are sealed, you will not utterly fall out of salvation. You will stumble. You will wander. You will have seasons of coldness or confusion. But the Spirit of God does not abandon what He seals. He doesn’t get tired of you. He doesn’t walk away when you’re weak. If you belong to Christ, the Spirit has stamped your soul with the mark of heaven, and no one, not even you, can erase it.
So take heart. You are not being held up by your feelings or your consistency. You are being held by a Person, by the Holy Spirit Himself. And He is God. He will not fail. Jesus said the Spirit would be with you forever. Not “as long as you behave.” Not “until you fall too far.” But forever. And if God says forever, He means forever.
